


Hidden in Lies, Silent Goodbyes

by AppleCiderr



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Amnesia, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Broken Bones, Car Accidents, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Falling In Love, Hospitalization, Izaya Has Memory Loss, Izaya-centric, Kyoto, Love Triangles, M/M, Memory Loss, Missing Persons, Name Changes, Nervousness, Organized Crime, Panic Attacks, Shizuo is in Denial, Shyness, Social Anxiety, hit and run, personality change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2018-12-10 14:40:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11693808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AppleCiderr/pseuds/AppleCiderr
Summary: Orihara Izaya has everything he could ever want. He has a job he loves, a nice home near a city he loves, but most of all, he has all of the lovely humans in the world to mess with. He would never quit, never leave Ikebukuro alone, nor would he abandon his humans. Nothing would sway him in that.Unless.. He was forced to forget.





	1. Erased Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wakes up without memories, next to a mysterious man who claims they owe him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New story! Inspired slightly by the lovely BL game, No Thank You!!
> 
> This won't be like the usual 'Izaya loses his memory and Shizuo takes care of him' and this also won't be like my story 'Et Mutaverunt' so don't worry :3 
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading!

If someone had asked him how to describe how he felt in the time it took him to wake up, he would have explained that it felt like he was being slowly pulled out of slimy, muddy water of unconsciousness and into the hot burning sun that was awareness. In one moment, everything was numb, but suddenly his body was throbbing in pain.

 

He hissed from the pain, his hand reaching up to rub his eyes. Slowly, he opened them, and found himself staring up at a white ceiling. A lot of things hurt, but he didn’t know why. What happened? Why was he here?

 

He took his hands, pushing himself into a sitting up position. He looked around, and realized where he was. He was in a hospital.. But why? He took the chance to examine himself, and found that his arms were covered in bandages all around, except where a needle connected to an IV met his wrist, his leg was in a cast that was lifted off the bed, while there were some very dark bruises on his other one. His top half felt sore, he could only guess that his top half was as injured as his bottom half, and he could feel bandages on his throbbing head.

 

_ Seriously.. What happened?!  _ He thought.  _ And why can’t I remember?!  _ Before he could dig around in his mind for anything else, something shifted next to him. He jumped in surprise, which only cause him to wince as pain flashed through him once more. But he quickly opened his eyes again, looking at the person slumped over in the chair.

 

He sat up, revealing an older looking man with silky, shoulder length brown hair, chocolate eyes masked slightly by black glasses, and a small patch of hair on his chin. He was wearing a black dress shirt with a wooden necklace around it, and staring at his bandaged self with relief. 

 

“Oh thank god, I was starting to worry that you wouldn’t wake up,” He said with relief, before he placed a hand on his chest. “My name is Akibara Fukuyo, I just wanted to be able to thank you for what you did for me,” He spoke again.

 

While Fukuyo was excited, he frowned when the injured man tilted his head in confusion.  “I don’t understand.. What did I do for you?” He asked, looking down at his hands,”What happened? Why can’t I remember?!”

 

The man had started shaking, his heart monitor started to beep faster. Fukuyo quickly moves forward, taking the hand that didn’t have an IV in it. “Hey, hey,” He calmly whispered,”No need to panic, it’s okay. If you can’t remember, I’ll just tell you later. But how about you tell me what you _ can _ remember?” 

 

The red eyes stared at him nervously, before he looked down, eyes flicking left and right. He seemed to be desperately searching for anything in his mind to respond with, but then he started panicking again. “I- I can’t remember anything! I don’t remember anything! What happened to me?! Why can’t I remember?!” He cried out fearfully, the beeping causing his head to throb even more.

 

Fukuyo took his hands again. “Whoa! Whoa! Calm down! It’s okay, it’s okay!” He quickly, but keeping his voice as soft as possible,”Hey, it’s okay, we’ll figure this out together okay? But we can’t do that if you’re panicking. So take deep breaths, relax, you’re okay.”

 

The injured man listened to the soothing voice, taking several deep breaths as he tried to get himself to calm down. He nodded, whispering,”Y-yeah.. Ok-Okay.. Okay..” 

 

Before they could do just that, the door slid open, revealing a panicked looking doctor. When she saw the nervous black haired male on the bed, along with the receding beeps of the heart monitor, she sighed thankfully. Then, she realized that the young man’s red eyes were staring at her, filled with fear. She tried to smile comfortingly, as she softly spoke,”I’m doctor Inoue, I’m really glad to see you awake. You gave us quite the scare after your accident. How are you feeling today?”

 

Fukuyo watched the raven, who stared at the woman with fear, as if scared to talk to her. The heart monitor suddenly started to speed up again, as he stuttered out,”I c- I can’t remember anything..”

 

At first Inoue didn’t seem to get it, as she simply smiled and responded,”Well, that’s quite common with cases like yours, honey, lots of people tend to forget what happened during their accidents, but usually it comes back to them after a while.”

 

“No doctor, that’s not what he means,” Fukuyo quickly exclaimed,”He can’t remember anything.. Like, at all. Not just about his accident, he doesn’t remember anything about himself.”

 

Inoue froze from where she was moving to pick up the patient’s clipboard. She stood up straight, and looked at the raven sadly. “Not even your own name?” She asked.

 

The young man jumped slightly at being addressed, but shook his head. “N-no,” He whispered softly.

 

The woman sighed, before grabbing a rolling stool and pulled it over. “I should have realized this was a possibility,” She began,”From what I can gather just from what kind of accident you had, you most likely have what we call retrograde amnesia. Because of the trauma and the fact you hit your head really badly, it looks like you also forgot yourself.”

 

Fukuyo could see the shaking lessen in the raven’s body. His eyes were intelligent, if the brunette had to guess, he would guess that the raven probably guessed it was something related to that, but was just thankful to have someone confirm it. 

 

Inoue continued,”There is a chance you could get your memories back, but I’m afraid that is very slim, especially since when you were found, you had no identification on you. If you were around familiar faces it may help, but once again, we don’t know where you came from. Until we can find your real name or someone who knows it, I’m afraid you have nothing..”

 

Fukuyo frowned, thinking her delivery of that was a little too blunt. He looked towards the raven, who had started hugging himself and shaking once more. Not with fear, but with sadness. “What am- What am I going to do?” He whispered aloud, his red eyes shining with tears.

 

The brunette frowned, before placing his hand on the bed. “Hey, don’t worry,” He started,”You won’t be alone in this.”

 

“I won’t?” The raven questioned curiously, gaining a shake of the head from Fukuyo. 

 

“No you won’t” He repeated, taking the raven’s hand gently,”I promise, until we can find out who you were and where you came from, I’ll help you. I own a nice business in the big city nearby, a fancy bar and resturaunt. I can give you a job and a place to live, anything else you need.”

 

The raven looked hopeful, but then frowned and tilted his head. “But why?” He asked,”I.. I still don’t understand.. Why help a complete stranger?”

 

Fukuyo’s face grew thankful and he simply responded,”Because you saved my life.”

 

The amnesiac’s eyes widened, as he whispered,”I-I did?”

 

“You did,” Fukuyo repeated,”I saw you around before it happened, you appeared out of the blue one day, but I never spoke to you. Then, about a month ago, you pushed me, some total stranger, out of the way of a truck and ended up getting hit really hard yourself. I kept visiting, because I owe you my life, and I wanted to thank you.”

 

The brunette stared for a moment, before realizing what he was doing, and then blushed, awkwardly saying,”So, um.. Thank you.”

 

The raven stared innocently for a moment, before a huge, adorable smile crawled up his face and he nodded. Fukuyo, for some reason, felt relieved, and smiled back. Inoue felt relieved as well, thankful that her patient wasn’t completely alone in this situation. 

 

With a small clear of her throat, Inoue gained their attention. “Alright, all I need to do is do a few tests and check the strength in your legs, and you’ll be able to leave,” SHe promised, a smile growing on her face.

 

At first, the raven was a little nervous. But as he looked at Fukuyo, he knew he had a friend, someone who would help him. So, he stopped his shaking, looked at the doctor calmly, and nodded.

 

“Okay,” He softly declared,”Let’s get started.”

 

\-- -- -- -- -- --

 

After a few hours of tests, giving the raven a placeholder name, crutches, and guessing that he was probably about 21 years old, the raven was free to go. Fukuyo managed to grab him some clothes to change into. According to the nurses, his clothing had been thrown away since it was too torn and bloody to fix. Unfortunately, Fukuyo had a much bigger and taller figure than him, leaving him swimming in a sweater and a tight belt around his skinny waist.

 

They walked down the street, taking it slow for the raven with a broken leg. Fukuyo found himself looking down at the smaller male for a moment, before saying,”You know, we need to come up with a name for you.”

 

“But.. The doctor said they named me Yamada Tar ō ..?” The raven uncertainly asked, jumping slightly when Fukuyo huffed and shook his head.

 

“Yes, I know they did. But that’s like, a placeholder name,” He explained,”It’s like the American John Doe, you know what that is, right?”

 

At the confused stare he got, he facepalmed with embarrassment. “Of course you wouldn’t, you have amnesia,” He muttered,”Well, when a patient doesn’t have a name, they usually use John Doe as their placeholder name, it’s common and it helps the hospital know too. Yamada Tar ō is the Japanese version of John Doe.”

 

“Oh..” The raven softly responded, looking down. 

 

Fukuyo nodded, as they walked down the stairs towards the bullet train, the easiest way to get back to the city. “So, I was simply thinking that you might like a more.. Original name? One that you or I chose, that you could use to identify yourself. That way you have a name that describes yourself instead of one the boring old hospital chose for you. Maybe we can ask them to change it later.” He suggested.

 

He thought about it for a moment, before smiling and nodding. “Yeah, that sounds good.. But what name could I use?” He asked.

 

Fukuyo huffed, crossing his arms. “That is a tough question.. Well, maybe something about you..” He thought aloud,”Well, you have black hair.. What about.. Kuro?”

 

“I-isn’t that a little bit on the nose?” The nameless man questioned. Fukuyo thought about it for a moment, and then shrugged. “Yeah, maybe..” He muttered.

 

After getting tickets to their destination, they boarded the railway and sat down. The two men sat in silence for a moment, before the raven softly suggested,”N-Natsu?”

 

“Oh, _ god _ no,” Fukuyo whispered back,”That name is so overused, I’d rather hang myself than use that name for you.”

 

The amnesiac giggled a bit, causing people to look at them angrily. They shut up after that, only whispering a few names to each other. However, most failed. Karasu, Shai, Kowai, and many others. 

 

_ “Kyoto Station is next, Kyoto Station is next,” _ The cheerful, but robotic woman on the intercom announced, as Fukuyo whispered,”That’s our stop.”

 

The still nameless man nodded, going quiet for a long time. It was when they were standing outside the station, Fukuyo trying to decide how to get to his home. He let the young man sit down on a bench nearby, getting him a fresh milk from a nearby vendor. “Here, you’ll need this to fix your leg and get stronger,” He explained.

 

The raven nodded, taking the drink and opening it. For a long moment, he found himself staring at the open bottle. _ This feels.. Kind of familiar.. _ He thought, desperately trying to catch the thread that connected this milk to his memories _. I know something related to milk.. Maybe I just really liked it? Oh, what’s the use, I can’t remember anything with this blank mind of mine.. _

 

Then, he thought of a name.  _ Blank.. Empty space? _ “Kūsho?” He softly asked, causing Fukuyo to stop furiously texting on his phone. “What?” He asked, wanting the raven to repeat what he said. 

 

“Kūsho.. For my first name, maybe it could be that,” He said softly,”It means blank, or empty mind.”

 

Fukuyo thought about that for a while, and then nodded. “It has a nice ring to it, but I also feel like you’re putting yourself down a bit,” He responded,”You know that just because you can’t remember anything, that doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

 

He blushed, and shrugged. “But, this milk.. I thought I was going to remember something, it felt familiar.. But I couldn’t figure it out..” He muttered sadly.

 

Fukuyo then frowned, and went up to him, flicking his forehead, causing the raven to cry out and put a hand on his forehead. “W-what was that for?!” He stuttered angrily.

 

“You’re being too hard on yourself,” The brunette snapped back,”You’re at least trying to remember, that’s good right? And you saved my life, so that counts for something else. Just for that, I’m going to choose your last name. Your last name is Yūkan, it means courage, which is something you have a damn lot of, whether you know it or not.”

 

After Fukuyo declared this, he then looked down. Instead of a nervous or scared face, the newly named man was smiling. He then nodded and, as if to prove Fukuyo’s point, he held out his hand, and declared,”T-then let’s do this right. My name is Yūkan Kūsho, it’s nice to meet you!”

 

The brunette stared at Kūsho in surprise, before realizing what he was trying to do. He released an understanding noise, before reaching out, and shaking Kūsho’s hand in return. “It’s nice to finally put a name with the face,” He replied,”I hope we become good friends.”

 

Kūsho nodded in return, a huge smile crawling on his face. Soon after, he finished his milk and followed after his one and only friend. Though he was still wondering about his past, he knew he couldn’t dwell on it right now. Making sure he was on his feet and remaining stable was more important. Despite deciding to do that, Kūsho still couldn’t help but be curious..

 

Why did milk mean so much to him in that moment?

 

\-- -- -- -- -- --

 

Somewhere in Ikebukuro, a glass milk bottle shattered in a blonde’s hand.

 

Tom jumped, turning to look at his bodyguard in surprise. “Jeez Shizuo! What was that for?! We’re on break!” He cried out, moving his own bottle out of the way. 

 

Shizuo grumbled a little, bringing his hand closer and beginning to passive aggressively pull pieces of glass from his hand. “Sorry senpai.. I’ve just been really angry recently, I don’t know why..” 

 

That was a lie. He knew exactly why he was mad. It was the fucking flea. No, he hadn’t done anything.. But that was the problem. It had been just about a month, and the louse hadn’t shown his stupid face, or tried to mess with Shizuo in any way. First it was nice, relaxing even.. But now? Now it was just suspicious.

 

A month of nothing, and all of a sudden Shizuo’s temper and rage was always boiling. Without a flea to throw shit at, he found he had no way to get rid of all that rage. It led to him almost getting fired, because he started taking out his rage on even the good clients.

 

_ Damn stupid flea _ He thought, imagining many violent ways he could kill him.  _ You ruin my life even where you’re not here. Stupid fucking flea.. Kill kill kill kill.. _

 

_ ~Ring! Ring! Ring!~ _

 

Shizuo was pulled from his angry thoughts at the sound of his phone.  _ What?! How dare that stupid mobile device get in the way of my murderous thoughts!  _

 

The blonde yanked it from his pocket, pressing the call button and then yelling,”WHAT?!?!”

 

_ “Ahh! Shizuo-kun! It’s not nice to yell in people’s ears!”  _ Shinra’s grating voice exclaimed over the phone, _ ”I was just trying to ask you something.” _

 

Shizuo was not in the mood, and half tempted to hang up. However, Shinra was one of the people who he could class as a friend.. An annoying friend, but still a friend. “Make it fast, my break is almost over,” He muttered, rubbing his temple.

 

_ “Oh! Okay! So, Shiki-san wanted me to ask you, did you by any chance kill Orihara-kun?”  _ He asked.

 

Frowning in confusion, Shizuo shook his head. “No, I haven’t. Why do you ask?” He questioned, tapping his fingers on the metal table in front of him.

 

Shinra made an uncertain noise, before he said, _ “Um, well, according to Shiki-san, he sent Izaya out to get information about a month ago, but he never came back. He was hoping you had at least seen him, or you were the one who killed him. But since that doesn’t seem to be the case, I’ll let you go, bye!” _

 

“Wait-” Shizuo tried to say, but all he heard was the call ending. He frowned, lowering his phone and staring at it. 

 

Izaya was missing? That sounded wrong.. Sure, the raven had vanished before, but everyone knew he left on his own free will. If he had to guess, he’d think the reason they were at the point of asking him, they probably thought the flea was a hostage.. Or dead. 

 

“Hey.. Shizuo?” Tom asked, jerking him from his thoughts. “You ready to go? We have a few more clients,” He explained calmly. 

 

Shizuo simply nodded, and then got up, following after his senpai. He tried to listen, but he find himself zoning out. Izaya.. Dead? No, no. Only Shizuo was allowed to kill him, therefore it wasn’t a possibility. But missing? Shizuo knew that, as demented as the love was, Izaya loved Ikebukuro and ‘his’ humans. With facts like that in mind..

 

What could possibly be keeping the flea away from Ikebukuro?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think?
> 
> Anyone have any guesses as to what's happening?
> 
> Also, in case it flew over anyone's heads, Kūsho is Izaya.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed, please kudos, bookmark, and comment, it helps me feel like I'm not writing to ghosts :3
> 
> It's 4am, imma sleep now ヾ(￣0￣ )ノ


	2. In Rewrite, Sorry!

I’m so sorry for doing this, but Hidden In Lies, Silent Goodbyes, Et Mutaverunt, Kintsugi, and Change of Heart are ALL going into rewrite. Please, before you get mad at me, let me explain my reasons.

 

While I love all of these stories, I hate some scenes from them. Sometimes I felt rushed, or maybe even got a little overzealous with my planning. Sometimes I had a plot in mind and second guessed myself and changed it, and ended up hating what I posted more. There are so many loose ends in these stories as well.

 

Plus, some events in my life made me struggle to find inspiration and I was grabbing at straws for plenty of the chapters. Please, let me explain the rewrites I plan to make in detail.

 

**For Et Mutaverunt:**

 

This is the story where I got pretty overzealous as chapters went on. I want to figure out shipping, change some outcomes from the older chapters, update chapter one, and make the plot work a little better.

 

I also might change the title, but I would like the readers’ opinion on this.

 

**For Hidden In Lies, Silent Goodbyes:**

 

This story, I just…. Ugh. Plot Bunny gone wrong, it needs a COMPLETE reboot.

 

**Kintsugi:**

 

Same thing, way too many loose ends. Plot needs better explaining. How they come to meet again may be changed a bit too, but most everything else will remain the same. I also want the cure to be less Ex-Machina and to explain Izaya’s sickness more.

 

**Change of Heart:**

 

Although this is my most popular story, I still want to fix some things. The first three chapters? I absolutely loved them and pretty much everything about them. But, everything else is from me trying to make a super-mystery plot. It was just too convoluted, too coincidental. I need to change everything past chapter three.

 

Once again, I’m so sorry to those of you who were looking forward to a new chapter. If you have any suggestions for any of these stories, I would love to hear them. :) 

 

My less popular DRR!! stories will be getting updated as I work on fixing up these ones; that way you guys still have entertainment and I can stop staring guiltily at one chapter stories.

 

Thank you for understand, and see you soon!


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